Herro, friends! Yes, I’m aware this was supposed to be weekly. Stop judging me, or feel my wrath. Anyway.
Last time I wrote, you learned about Cassie & Vlad’s epic adventures that can be found in the comic Hack/Slash from Devil’s Due. I’m going to continue to educate you on superheroes via my banner.
So, we got the first one down. That’s Cassie Hack. If you can’t figure out the second guy, you’re an idiot. But, it’s Batman. There. I said it. Batman. Probably THE MOST RECOGNIZABLE superhero in comics EVARRR. If you don’t know who he is, you’ve been living in a cave. Or can’t read. Or look at pictures. Or whatever. SO! I will now give you the MOST BASIC description of Batman you’ve ever read:
Name: Friggen BATMAN!!!!
Titles: Batman, Detective Comics (first appearance #27), and a shitload of others from DC
Created by: Bob Kane
Bruce Wayne grew up in Gotham City. When he was very young, he witnessed the murder of his mother and father (Martha Wayne and Dr. Thomas Wayne). A mugger shot them in cold blood, leaving him an orphan. That event gave Bruce an undying hatred for crime, and propelled him to become Batman. Now you know the backstory. Let’s get into how Batman rolls, yo.
Bruce Wayne does not have any superpowers.
There is a huge debate on whether or not Batman is, in fact, a superhero. One side argues that to be a superhero you must be superhuman. The opposing side argues you do not, and that in fact it is being able to fight those who DO have superpowers and win, or to possess enough money and skill to appear superhuman and use that to your advantage. In my opinion, the latter is true. Batman uses the Wayne estate’s unending wealth, his detective skills and intelligence, and keeping his body in peak physical condition in conjunction with the latest in medicine to make sure he can outlast and outfight any baddie he comes up against. The argument that you need superpowers to be a superhero also assumes that whether you are a born with these powers, or develop them somehow in your life, you automatically are skilled with those powers. This is not the case. Even Superman didn’t realize his full potential and was not able to hone his skills until practicing with them for many, many years. Batman is able to outthink supervillains who aren’t very intelligent. He can outfight supervillains who have not honed their skills or realized their weaknesses and compensated for them. Batman HAS compensated for all of his weaknesses, and he will kick your ass every time. Bitch.
It would be way too difficult to explain his entire backstory, who he’s trained with, who he’s affiliated with, and blah blah blah. It would even be confusing to tell you that Bruce Wayne is dead right now. Ah, shit. There I go again. With my mouth. Er. Fingers, I suppose. Don’t worry about it, though. Bruce Wayne will be back with a VENGEANCE. He will be PISSED at all the shit going down, and he’s gonna cap some bitches FER SURE. Except not, because he doesn’t use guns. If your parents were shot in front of you, would you like guns? Didn’t think so. And Batman is if nothing else a man of principle. So he doesn’t use guns.
This is what Bruce Wayne uses. Just 2 little things, my friends:
That’s right, folks. A utility belt and a brain. What more do you need? Well, okay. Money. He’s got that. And also his trusty butler, Alfred Pennyworth. He’s pretty important, too.
Now is the time for me to recommend some amazing Batman titles. Well, that’s pretty easy. Almost too easy. So I have to narrow it down to just three. I can do that, I suppose.
Recommended Reading:
Title: Hush
Written By: Jeph Loeb
Pencils: Jim Lee
Inks: Scott Williams
First Published: 2002
Hush is one of the most awesome Batman stories of all time. Seriously. That’s my opinion. It’s got a great story, lots of villians, and amazing artwork by none other than Jim Lee. Don’t know who Jim Lee is? You will after this graphic novel, n00b!
The story opens with Bruce rescuing a young boy from Killer Croc. What’s Killer Croc doing with a kid? Whatever. Not important. The ransom money gets stolen by Catwoman, who was actually being used by Poison Ivy. The story spirals from there, as connections develop between hero and villain alike and lead to a new villain named Hush. But who is he, apart from the guy on the cover in a trenchcoat? Aren’t you DYING to find out? Batman must save himself and Gotham from Hush as one of the most intricate schemes ever concocted by a supervillain is testing his intelligence, detective skills, and nerves. Notable appearances include the villains Killer Croc, Catwoman (but is she really a villain? GAH that’s another post entirely…), Poison Ivy, Joker & Harley Quinn, The Riddler, and Hush. Also appearing are Superman, Oracle, Huntress, Nightwing, Robin (duh), and of course Commissioner James Gordon. If I tell you any more, I’ll give the juicy bits away. Just pick it up!
Title: The Dark Knight Returns
Written By: Frank Miller
Pencils: Frank Miller
Inks: Klaus Janson
First Published: 1986
This is a doozie. Some people have nothing but praise for this graphic novel, while others really, really don’t like anything Frank Miller puts out. I… like most Frank Miller works. This happens to be one of them! I think a lot of people don’t like his art style. But I totally dig the nitty-gritty, yo. Anyway!
Crime is running rampant in Gotham City (weird!) as the gang known as Mutants is running WIIIIIIILD. Batman has retired from crime after the death of Jason Todd, who was the second Robin. The absence of the Bat has made Gotham even worse. Bruce Wayne gives money to help Arkham Asylum try to recuperate criminals. Their first “success” is Harvey Dent, aka Two Face. Harvey returns to crime, and Bruce decides to suit up and put a stop to it. Again. The people of Gotham can’t decide if they like THE DARK KNIGHT or not after his RETURN. You know how the whole Spider-Man thing always goes down, with people loving and hating him? Yeah, imagine that. But with Batman. Which I know, is stupid, but it wasn’t overdone down in 1986, all right?
So this chick, Carrie Kelly, she’s 13. And Batman totally saves her ass. So since she’s a smart kid, she goes out and buys a Robin costume. I just realized something. This chick must be Stephanie Brown’s fucking ROLE MODEL. Anyway. All jokes aside, she’s a pretty cool kid. She finds Batman in a fight in a dump, drags him into the Batmobile, and patches him up as they drive to the Batcave. Even though Alfred doesn’t like the idea, Batman makes young Carrie his ward, and they begin to fight crime together.
The novel really starts the fun when Joker assures the psychiatrists in Arkham that he’s sane. They believe him and let him out. He goes on a talkshow with a psychiatrist, who talks a bunch of shit about Batman and convinces the police to go get him. Of course, after the show, Joker kills every fucking person in the studio. It’s pretty bad. So Batman tracks him down and kicks his ass. If I let you know any more of the fun… I’ll definitely be spoiling the twists and turns Frank Miller uses to make this a fucking awesome book. Other reason I like the story? Superman is the government’s biggest tool. Heh. Anyway. I don’t care if you like Frank Miller or not – holy SHIT that guy can write a story.
Title: The Killing Joke
Written By: Alan Moore
Pencils: Brian Bolland
Inks: John Higgins, Brian Bolland (in deluxe edition)
First Published: 1988
I know, I know. I’ve talked about this before. Well that’s cuz it’s good, stupid. If you want to know how much this graphic novel has influenced other Batman story arcs and the fucking comic book world in general, read my post titled “The Batgirl Situation.”
So, to sum it up, it’s a psychological thriller. Joker is convinced that anybody can turn into a bad, crazy guy like he is just from “one bad day.” He is also convinced that Batman is just like him, but at the other end of the spectrum. He is of the opinion that Batman fights crime because he want to hurt and punish people, basically. He isn’t altruistic at all – he’s fulfilling his fantasies under a facade of crime-fighting heroism.
Terrible things happen in the book. Awesome things happen. But no matter what, the last page will leave you thinking. I can assure you of that.
If those three completely different stories don’t grab your fancy, try any of the following six outstanding graphic novels:
The Long Halloween Year One Dark Victory
The Cult A Death in the Family Mad Love
Well there you have it. Batman is the shit. He’s the most iconic superhero in the world. Yes, better than Superman. But I’m not a fan of Superman, anyway. So pretty much… Yeah. Batman. He’s where it’s at. So read this shit!
